


I'm Free to Do What I Like

by elexusniall



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-16 16:26:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1353997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elexusniall/pseuds/elexusniall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grand romantic gestures have a way of overriding your heart and mind.  When the moment is done, will reality reassert itself so logic can reign once more or will the moment change you even further?  This is a One-Shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ryan Murphy has said that Klaine is endgame. Okay, fine, Klaine is endgame but there were so many things that had been wrong between the two boys and they were never resolved. I like Blaine and Kurt much better as best friends than I do as boyfriends. If this is going to bother you please don't read this. It is a one shot and my personal take on things. This just kind of bit me and I wrote this one-shot in a furious spate of creativity. I own nothing of Glee and I am making nothing off of this. It's for my own personal enjoyment and hopefully it will amuse some other people. Thank you ahead of time.

He had heard the song from Tina’s IPod originally.  It wasn’t anything like that which he was used to… Though when Tina had been in her ‘goth’ phase, he had gotten exposed to a lot of music that he wouldn’t normally listen to.  He wasn’t sure if she still listened to any of those bands that she’d heard about and explored out of curiosity, but this song stayed with him.  The lyrics were poignant - especially for this time in his life.  The song was I Like It by Lacuna Coil.

Though he had initially said yes to Blaine’s proposal, the more that he ruminated on the decision, the more he felt like he had made the wrong choice.  It wasn’t that he didn’t care for Blaine - he did.  However, they were still so very young, Blaine even younger than he was and there was so much life still ahead of them.  Anything could happen and even if they had a long engagement, he still felt that there was something wrong with this choice.

Honestly, he still wasn’t over Blaine’s betrayal.  The fact that Blaine had hooked up with random facebook guy, Eli still bothered him greatly.  It wasn’t simply the fact that Blaine was able to cheat on him, it was also the manner in which he’d gone about it.  While Kurt still would have been just as pissed off if Blaine had slept with Sebastian, at least then he would have somewhat understood it.  Why? Because there was a history there, Sebastian had often attempted to tempt Blaine and at least they knew Sebastian.  Eli was an unknown quantity and it unsettled Kurt that Blaine could be so careless.

There were other things that had happened throughout the course of their relationship as well that had always bothered Kurt.  Things that he had never brought up or addressed though he should have.  The more he thought about things the more resigned to the decision to call off the engagement he became.  There was such a long laundry list of little things that had built up over time and he could deny them no longer.

When he had first met Blaine, he thought that the boy was the best gay mentor ever.  He seemed to be so knowledgeable, so wise and he had come into Kurt’s life at a time when he sorely needed guidance.  He had been so enamored with Blaine and that had only grown until he’d formed a crush on the Warbler. The crush had turned into something more genuine.  Yet even back then there were little idiosyncratic things that should have caught Kurt’s notice. He had been so eager for help and for another gay person in his life that he’d overlooked those little things, ignored them honestly.

Now was the time to be honest with himself about everything.  If he was questioning his engagement so deeply he really did need to examine everything.  Blaine had acted like he had known so much but honestly, he was just as young and naive as Kurt was.  When Blaine had told him to confront Karofsky, he’d thought he was helping.  Now looking back, Kurt could admit that the advice wasn’t all that sound.  Karofsky was a big guy and sure, he and Dave were friends now but after the threats at the time?  The last thing Kurt should have done was confront him alone like he had.

When Kurt had actually left McKinley and gone to Dalton, there were more things that cropped up.  How Blaine always told Kurt to put his hand down, to try to be part of the team and things like that… It seemed to make sense at the time, but then there was the fact that right after Kurt would put down his hand - Blaine’s would immediately go up in the air.  Blaine was an attention whore, a male Diva and there was no denying that fact.  Kurt had simply been too lost and uncertain of everything at the time to realize just how wrong it was for Blaine to behave that way.  It wasn’t supportive, it wasn’t nurturing and it really wasn’t something a true friend should do.

Despite the numerous attempts of the other Warblers to get closer to Kurt so they could get to know him, Blaine had blocked many of the attempts.  How had he never realized how isolated he’d been at Dalton?  Sure, he interacted with the Warblers but really only during rehearsals and performances.  He wondered how much he had missed out on.  Sure, he still communicated with Jeff and Nick and even Trent.  He still got emails from time to time from Wes, but there had been so many more Warblers and now Kurt felt cheated.  He might have himself to partially blame for allowing Blaine to eclipse him like that but the fact that Blaine had done so was also worrisome.  

When Blaine had come to McKinley, Kurt had been so happy for his boyfriend to be there that everything else fell away.  The same spotlight hogging that had happened in Dalton had happened again.  Sure, it wasn’t quite like Blaine and the Pips but it was definitely still a case of being overshadowed.  At Dalton it hadn’t mattered quite as much because the Warblers focused on backing up a stronger lead singer.  There were also more Warblers than there were New Directions.  

It had greatly annoyed Kurt that he was eclipsed once again and the people allowing it to happen should have been more loyal to him.  Yes, it was understandable that they wanted to win - so did he but he so often felt like he wasn’t even allowed to try and that had sucked.  He’d get a throw away line here or there if he were lucky.  At least at Dalton he and Blaine had been able to duet.  Sure, it was just the once but that was more than the New Directions had ever truly given him.

Then, there was the time where Blaine had taken his phone, read his texts with Chandler and gone off the deep end.  What else could you call that Whitney Houston debacle?  Instead of talking to Kurt and trying to deal with their problem as a couple - like they should have, Blaine had sang that song in front of the New Directions.  There was a part of him that still couldn’t believe that most of the ND had backed and believed Blaine over him.

So maybe he shouldn’t have been trading those texts with Chandler, but to Kurt it had been harmless.  Just sharing outrageous pick up lines they’d heard to make each other laugh.  It had felt good to laugh like that and to just be silly. He’d also liked the attention, but he was still faithful to Blaine - had been for the entirety of their relationship and Blaine could not say the same.  He had been so mad when Blaine had tried to say that Kurt’s texts were different from the ones that Blaine had shared with Sebastian.  Why?  Because he’d actually gotten access to some of those text messages thanks to Jeff and they were certainly not family friendly on Sebastian’s part and Blaine had never stopped the meerkat either.

Whenever Kurt upset Blaine, the younger boy would freeze him out.  Blaine would often take things and twist them to suit his vision of the picture.  How many times had he made Kurt feel guilty?  How many times had he made Kurt feel like he was the one in the wrong?  Too many times to count.  It was not right and it was certainly not okay.  It was definitely a sign that he’d jumped into saying yes far too soon.  Perhaps it would be a different story had he and Blaine reconciled and resolved their issues and worked through the things that had hurt each other over the course of their relationship.  Kurt knew he could be bitchy and sometimes quite difficult and yet they’d never really talked about anything of that nature.

They had been so in love with the idea of being in love that everything else had suffered or been neglected. The relationship had started off great and Kurt could not regret sharing all of those firsts with Blaine.  Yet right now as he looked back over things, he was coming to realize that perhaps he and Blaine were better off as friends.  Blaine had been much better when they’d just been friends after all.  More supportive, more positive, more helpful.  Kurt wouldn’t say that Blaine was abusive, he honestly wasn’t.  However he was very demanding and sought the spotlight and did not often realize how hurtful he could be in those times.

Blaine was sometimes oblivious to the thoughts, feelings, concerns and cares of others.  He didn’t do it on purpose, but he was still very young and still quite self absorbed.  Not that Kurt couldn’t claim the same.  He was still young and selfish himself and there were indeed times when he felt that Blaine simply wasn’t trying hard enough.  Let’s look at the fact that he was in New York for crying out loud.  He worked at Vogue.com and was surrounded by attractive and available gay men yet he had not strayed.  Blaine was still stuck in hicksville and he had.  

Blaine had not told Kurt he was feeling neglected or left behind.  He had not communicated things so that Kurt could address them.  Blaine hadn’t even come to New York to visit Kurt until AFTER he’d cheated.  It had hurt Kurt to end things with Blaine but at the time it was the only thing he could do.  He had loved Blaine so much and it had hurt so badly that when Blaine asked if they could try to be friends again Kurt caved almost immediately.  He missed talking to Blaine so much and honestly, he had hoped that maybe they could almost go back and start over and be friends again.

He’d thought that perhaps that might be the key to rebuilding their relationship.  Perhaps in order to go forward, first they would have to rewind and fix what was broken between them by starting a new foundation.  It was likely also the reason that he’d said yes to Blaine’s proposal.  When Kurt had first cottoned on to what Blaine was planning, he’d been thinking about ways to talk Blaine out of it.  Talking with Burt hadn’t provided Kurt with the support for his concerns he’d been looking for.  Perhaps he should have spoken them aloud to his father, but some of Burt’s words had still struck a chord within Kurt.  Hearing how Burt had felt about Elizabeth had touched that hopeless romantic in Kurt and he knew he wanted to feel that way himself.

Seeing Dalton Academy looming up before him stirred up so many emotions inside of him.  He had truly enjoyed the academic challenges the curriculum here had offered. It had been a safe haven for him during a time of strife.  He had met his first boyfriend here, fallen in love here and though he’d never quite managed to blend in or fit in, he did have some positive memories here.  The fanfare - literal fanfare had caught his attention as he was ushered into the main building.  Blaine had clearly gone all out when he’d gotten all of these different show choirs to help out.  It was a truly grand spectacle and it certainly appealed to part of Kurt there was no denying that.

To be led around the familiar halls in a whirlwind had definitely been interesting.  Coming to that familiar staircase with Blaine once more at the bottom of it had taken Kurt back in time.  Perhaps that had been the problem.  He had wanted so much to go back, to return to a simpler time and to fix things and here was this proposal - tailor made to put Kurt right back there where it had all began.  It had been the most grand romantic gesture that Kurt could imagine.  With a proposal like that there was no way he could say no.

That thought started to upset him.  Had Blaine done that specifically to ensure that he would get a yes?  Kurt admitted that he could be a bit diminished around Blaine.  He did have a tendency to forget his backbone because of how sweet and charming Blaine could be.  He had allowed himself to get so caught up in the moment that all of his fears, all of his questions and all of his concerns flew right out of his head.  Even the fact that Blaine had been wearing a rather tacky mustard yellow ensemble had not registered to Kurt in that very moment.  Seriously, it was Dalton - surely someone could have loaned him at least a blazer.  How had he even thought that mustard yellow was a good color on him?

Kurt shook himself out of those thoughts.  He was here, back in New York and trying very hard to keep up with his peers at NYADA.  He was trying to make the band work and do whatever he could to get his name out there.  He tried to keep in contact with Blaine but honestly, he felt like they were communicating less now that they were engaged than they had when they were boyfriends before Blaine had cheated. This just really wasn’t working out for him and if he was honest with himself it hadn’t been working for him for a very long time.

Kurt had had no right to say yes to Blaine.  He should never have fallen for the proposal.  He should have tried to find a way to politely let Blaine down without causing a scene - though in a situation like that a scene would likely have been unavoidable.  Now, he was engaged and he knew he didn’t want to be.  He knew it was going to hurt Blaine and yes that did kill something inside him to think about, but it was the right thing to do.  Better to do it soon before Blaine came to New York and things got more awkward than they needed to be.

The Skype conversation had been long, painful and filled with tears.  There had been arguing, guilt tripping, crying and talking and even screaming at each other at one point.  Kurt aired every concern he had, brought up everything that had bothered him and everything he’d thought back on in order to make his case for him.  He also pointed out that by proposing in the manner that he had, Blaine had essentially stolen Kurt’s ability to make a choice.  Blaine had attempted to refute that but Kurt explained that by tailoring it to Kurt’s penchant for romance and involving that sheer number of people and making it so public he really had taken Kurt’s ability to think clearly and choose appropriately away.

He’d had to explain that he didn't think that Blaine had meant to do that, that he had done it to be malicious but the fact was that Kurt had gotten so caught up in the spectacle that he’d stopped thinking.  Kurt felt that it was detrimental to them both.  Had Blaine proposed on a romantic picnic or at least in a more private way, Kurt would have felt more comfortable bringing up his misgivings and his concerns.  He wouldn't have gotten so lost in a theatrical moment that he lost perspective of all the things he’d been thinking about as his father drove him to the proposal.  

Kurt told Blaine just how much thinking he’d been doing since he’d gotten back to New York.  How he had initially been excited about the proposal but the more time that passed the more all of those concerns and misgivings returned.  They hadn't fixed anything and there was still the feelings of betrayal between them.  Blaine had tried to barter, bargain, cajole, and beg Kurt for time - time to fix things.  

Kurt had given him time after Blaine had cheated on him.  Yet nothing was different, nothing had changed and they were still just existing in a weird kind of limbo.  Trying to pretend like nothing had changed, like they were still fine as they had been when Kurt had still been at McKinley.  Honestly though, things were not fine and everything had changed.  Kurt promised to send the ring back as securely and as soon as he could.  

When the conversation had ended Kurt expected to feel pain, to be hurt and to feel loss but oddly he felt relieved.  Everything was now out in the open and the bad choice he’d felt he was making had been unmade as best as could be done.  There would still be emotions to sort through and he was sure that he and Blaine would probably not speak to each other for some time, but he still felt lighter somehow.  There were a few things he was still angry about - especially because of how Blaine had tried to defend his own actions, but all in all he did feel better than he had since before the proposal.

He made his way over to the place where Pamela Lansbury practiced with that Lacuna Coil song still in his head.  Perhaps that could help him work out the last of his feelings on the whole twisted matter and it was twisted no matter how Rachel might see it.  He knew he was also going to face some fall out over this.  Rachel would attempt to browbeat him into taking Blaine back but now that he had called off the engagement, Kurt could honestly say that he was no longer in love with Blaine.

He set up his IPod in the doc and scrolled to find the song he wanted.  It had a rather catchy beat he had to admit.  The music was a little harder than he usually preferred but that too seemed to suit the odd mood he found himself in.  Though he’d never really learned the song, it was easy for him to settle in to Cristina Scabbia’s groove.

_Everything is different today_

_I like it, like it_

_I feel different today_

_I like it, like it_

_I'm not gonna be in your parade_

_Cause I don't like it_

_You think I'm a dirty little game_

_You think I like it_

_You made up this fantasy with me_

_But I don't like it._

Blaine had behaved like this was some fairy tale as if they were princes destined to live happily ever after. Kurt was tired of having to dance to Blaine’s tune, to curb some parts of himself so that Blaine wasn’t offended.  God that brought up another memory he’d forgotten about - sitting there with Blaine and Sebastian Smythe at the Lima Bean.  No matter how much Sebastian had verbally laid into him, Blaine had never once defended him.  It was only when Kurt joined the verbal sparring match that Blaine would ask them both to stop.  Kurt hated that, if Blaine didn’t want to defend him - whatever, but he shouldn’t be shocked or appalled when Kurt defended himself.

  _I want you to get away from me_

_That's how I like it_

_How do you like it?_

_Today I'm gonna fly_

_There's nothing that can keep me on the ground_

_Touch the sky_

_I'm free inside._

He was feeling freer and freer with every thought and with every note that he sang.  This was definitely more cathartic than he’d been anticipating.  Kurt even found himself moving more to the beat of the song before it went into the next verse.

  _You think you're the master, I'm the slave_

_You think I like it_

_You don't even know me anyway_

_That's how I like it._

_I am getting ready to move on_

_But you don't like it_

_You can kiss your fairy tale away_

_I like it, like it_

_How do you like it_

 Blaine had always tried to play himself off as the more masculine one in the relationship.  He’d had this way of getting around Kurt’s personality, of dimming Kurt’s fire to a glow so that he could shine and that was simply not acceptable.  There was no way Kurt was going to sign on for a lifetime of continuing that theme.  So much for fairy tales he supposed - his prince turned out to be a frog.

  _I'm free to do what I like_

_I'm celebrating my life_

_I'm free to be what I like_

_I'm celebrating my life_

_I'm gonna get what I like_

_I'm gonna celebrate 'till I die_

_I'm celebrating my life._

 Kurt decided then that he was going to take that particular line to heart.  He was going to celebrate his life.  He wasn’t going to sit around and wait for someone to join him, to be in the same place mentally and emotionally that he was.  He was going to go out there and take the world by storm.  If he couldn’t find mister right right away, that was fine.  He was sure that in a city like New York, filled with beautiful gay men he could certainly find a mister right now if he needed or wanted.  It didn’t really matter and the only thing that did matter was that Kurt was finally free to do what he liked.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently my muses were not quite as finished with this as I thought. What was a one-shot has now become more. I'm not sure how much more there will be but here you go. I hope you enjoy it. If you've liked this please comment to let me know your thoughts!

Elliot had gone to the practice space intending to work on a few things. He wanted to bring the best that he could to the band after all. Besides he'd been having one of those days and he just needed to get out of his own head for a bit. Music had always been a constant companion for him and some days you just needed to lose yourself in it for a while. His classes were all done for the day so he wasn't worried about anything of that nature. 

He didn't think anyone would be in the rehearsal space at this time of day. He had a fair idea of everyone's schedules and while Dani and Kurt had some time, they had never been in the rehearsal space at this time when he'd been here before. So he was just a little surprised when he heard music coming out of their rehearsal area. Curiosity pulled him closer and it was then that he realized he recognized the song. Who among their band, other than himself, knew Lacuna Coil?

Elliot had a rather varied musical palette, he liked at least a little bit of music from nearly every genre. He couldn't quite remember when he'd heard Coil, but they were among the list of harder rock bands that he adored. He also liked a lot of Top 40 and he could enjoy Broadway too. There were really very few limits to music for him. As long as it had a good beat and caught his attention in a good way, it was fair game. He didn't like to limit himself there were just so many good things out there to listen to and he didn't want to limit himself, he wanted it all.

Imagine his surprise when he got to see who was inside. Kurt? When the hell had fabulous Kurt heard Lacuna Coil? Consider him shocked - it was a pleasant one though. He did know that Kurt listened to more than just Broadway show tunes and Madonna but he'd never have guessed that Kurt had anything resembling hard rock in his music collection. His appreciation for the countertenor was growing again. He had to admire Kurt's determination - the man was impressive.

The fact that Kurt was singing I Like It, brought up the question of why in Elliot's mind. He was well acquainted with the lyrics and this was not something that someone like Kurt would sing without good reason. Kurt generally didn't sing for no reason. He sang either to refine his instrument or to express whatever he was feeling at a particular moment in time. He hadn't known Kurt long, but already he understood that about the countertenor. While it was remotely possible that Kurt was singing this to refine his voice but Elliot thought the second option was far more likely.

With that in mind, Elliot paused to ponder what might have inspired Kurt to sing I Like It for an emotional reason. It didn't take long for Elliot to come to the conclusion that something must have happened between Kurt and Blaine. He had been able to converse with Blaine via Skype but he didn't really know the boy. Was it wrong of him to think of Kurt as a grown man and Blaine still as a boy? The distinction in his mind came from how he'd seen the two interact. The things he heard about Blaine made him think that while the kid's heart was in the right place he just wasn't on the same level as Kurt.

He'd heard Rachel's long story about how she believed that Kurt and Blaine were destined to be together. He'd taken in everything he'd heard from Rachel, Santana and Kurt. While he didn't doubt that the boys loved each other, he did question whether or not they were really meant to be together. Kurt was such a vibrant person and yet every time he'd witnessed Kurt talking to Blaine either on the phone or over Skype, he noticed Kurt fading. Elliot idly wondered if anyone else noticed these changes that came over Kurt whenever Blaine was involved. Somehow, he didn't think so. Rachel was blinkered to the whole thing - her overly romantic notions had her seeing things through rose colored glasses. If Santana even suspected that there was something not right going on she'd have been going all Lima Heights on Blaine, so she must not see it either.

What concerned him was the fact that Kurt was intelligent and he didn't think that Kurt did not realize what was going on. With that thought in mind, he had to wonder just why Kurt stayed with someone that diminished him. A partner should never make you less than you are. They should support you and make you better. It should be two people meeting in the middle and coming to make something greater. Maybe he didn't have a clear picture, he didn't really know Blaine and he hadn't seen the two really together, so maybe he was wrong. However he didn't believe he was. He was a little shocked that no one else could see it. These were intelligent people - perhaps they were just too close to see the reality. He did have perspective because he wasn't involved after all.

As the song came to a close, Elliot entered the space realizing that Kurt had been unaware that he'd had an audience. "Not your usual fare," he commented gently.

Kurt looked to Elliot surprised. "I suppose it's not," Kurt agreed.

"I'm familiar with Coil but where did you hear them?" Elliot inquired.

"My friend Tina from high school went through an interesting phase and she had a lot of music on her iPod. The lyrics to this song always stuck with me. The band plays harder than I usually listen to, but their lyrics tend to have relevance regardless. Cristina Scabbia also has an amazingly beautiful voice," Kurt commented.

Elliot could only nod to Kurt's words, he felt the same way though he actually enjoyed the fact that the music was harder and rougher around the edges. The dichotomy between the hard music and the beauty of Cristina Scabbia's voice were enthralling to him. "So, what inspired you to actually sing this song?" Elliot asked watching Kurt carefully.

"Why does there have to be a reason?" Kurt countered.

Elliot chuckled then. "I may not have known you long Kurt, but I do think I know you well enough to know that you generally only have two reasons for singing. The first is to hone your instrument and the second is for an emotional reason. No offense but that sounded emotional to me," Elliot elaborated.

"So you heard most of that then?" Kurt asked and when his band mate nodded, Kurt couldn't help but sigh. "You are correct in your thoughts...that was birthed from an emotional place. One that is sadly going to complicate my life."

"Want to talk about it?" Elliot inquired.

"Not really but I suppose I'm going to have to at some point and better you than Rachel or Santana," Kurt half grumbled.

This caught Elliot's attention, what on earth had happened to Kurt that he did not wish to speak to his girls about this? "So what's going on man?" Elliot asked as he and Kurt moved to sit wherever they could.

Kurt debated how best to explain things and once he had it in his head, he regaled his band mate as to the story behind today's performance. He told Elliot about breaking off the engagement and what had brought this about. Elliot sat there in stunned silence. "I love Rachel to death, really I do - she is like a sister to me but she is not going to take this news well and she will do her best to try and convince me to take Blaine back. She has convinced herself that Blaine and I are soul mates. Once upon a time I thought the same but now I have realized that I was more in love with the idea of being in love... and I believe that Blaine and I are better off as friends," Kurt paused to collect himself as he was still emotionally a little raw at the moment.

"I allowed him to eclipse me, to overshadow me and to diminish me and I cannot live like that. I deserve better and frankly so does Blaine. He deserves someone who will allow him to be the star, to be the shining light and can balance him out - not someone who will be forever competing for attention. In that aspect he and I are too much alike and it causes us to try to find ways to overshadow each other. Competition is not necessarily a bad thing but it's broken down our relationship and I needed to end it before I started to hate him. There was already too much resentment and there are issues which were never resolved. Those are as much my fault as they are his but that does not change the fact that the issues exist," Kurt explained.

For his part, Elliot sat there and quietly took in everything Kurt had to tell him. He did know that there were issues between the two but he'd never before been told what those issues were. It gave him another level of admiration for Kurt. Kurt had stuck to it and tried very hard to work things out but for whatever reasons the two had not succeeded. He was sure that the decision to call off the engagement and to break it off entirely with Blaine had hurt Kurt and deeply. First love was always painful to lose, but he knew that Kurt would emerge all the stronger for it.

"Sounds like you've had these misgivings for a while... so why did you accept the proposal?" Elliot inquired because Kurt had not gone into that part of things.

Kurt sighed heavily at the question. "Because the way Blaine proposed was every bit of tailored to my hopelessly romantic side. It was such a grand display and there were so many people there. It took me away from my ability to think. He took me back to the very day we met and crafted a spell hard to break in the moment. Every doubt I had just flew straight out of my head. Had he proposed in a more private manner I think I might have been able to speak my mind, but in that moment I was gone," Kurt admitted honestly.

That made sense, he'd seen the video of the proposal - Rachel had gushed about it being the most romantic thing she'd ever witnessed and she hoped that someday a man would do something similar for her. Elliot personally thought that it was a little over the top - not that he couldn't be. Marry the Night anyone? That however had been an audition, to him a proposal was a much more intimate thing and he would prefer that moment to be shared only between he and the man he would someday share his life with. It did however give him a little more insight into Blaine's mentality.

"So what else is bothering you?" Elliot asked, watching Kurt and seeing that the other man looked sad. He understood it of course, but he also wasn't really used to seeing Kurt be at all vulnerable like this. It was an interesting thing. Of course he could admit that Kurt was attractive no matter the situation but this was hardly the time to be having such thoughts. 

"There is a part of me that is of course mourning the complete loss of my first relationship... but there is also a part of me that's quite relieved. I am slightly disturbed by that fact. Shouldn't I be more hurt? Shouldn't I feel more about this other than mostly relieved with a touch of nostalgic sadness?" Kurt queried with a sigh.

"I don't think so. From what you've told me the relationship was over for a while now. You just hadn't gotten to the point where you could say so without adverse effect. You tried to make it work but you were clearly unhappy enough to break off an engagement. I don't doubt that you love Blaine - that you care about him... but it sounds to me like you fell out of romantic love with him a while ago," Elliot mused. "With that said, I think it's understandable that you feel mostly relief. A part of you has known this was coming for a while and delayed or not it has finally come to pass so you're not strained anymore trying to keep together a relationship you were already partially over."

Kurt hadn't thought about things in that manner before. Yet he had to admit that Elliot was right. To be entirely honest he had been over things when he had broken up with Blaine about the cheating. He'd been far more hurt then at that time than he was now. With that issue and others never resolved he supposed a part of him had always been waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was waiting for Blaine to either cheat on him again or for things to just finally blow up in their faces. The latter had happened he supposed - the relationship had finally destructed though it had been Kurt that pressed the button to do so. "I didn't think of it that way," Kurt admitted.

"Of course not - you're right smack in the middle of it. I'm not attached to the problem. I know you better than I know Blaine of course and you are my band mate but you and I don't yet know each other well. Therefore, I'm not as emotionally invested in the subject as you are and as Santana and Rachel will be. I can be objective while they'll have a harder time because of the history between you all," Elliot explained. 

"That makes sense. God I wish I was outside of the situation. I am not looking forward to what I know is coming," Kurt muttered.

"What's coming?" Elliot asked. He couldn't help but wonder at what else was stressing Kurt.

"Santana won't really care so long as I'm happy... but Rachel? She's going to likely attempt to browbeat me into taking Blaine back. Blaine's hurting right now but once he gets over that he's going to try to win me back until he finally realizes that it's done and there's no going back. As for the rest of the New Directions? Well I'm not sure how they'll react. There were some pretty hardcore Klaine shippers in my old glee club. It's likely that many of them will attempt to convince me to reconcile until they too realize that I am serious. It happened before," Kurt explained with a slight shrug. 

"That's just a little nuts," Elliot chuckled.

"Yeah, it is but they're like family and eventually when the initial shock wears off things will settle down again, they always do. I just wish we didn't have to go through the crazy to get to that point is all," Kurt explained. He loved them all, he really did but when he was the focus of their efforts like this he really wanted to be anywhere else with anyone else.

"How can I help?" Elliot asked. Knowing the crazy that Kurt was facing he wanted to know if there was something he could do to lessen the effect. He didn't know how that would come to pass but he hoped he could do something for his band mate and friend. 

Kurt looked a little startled when Elliot offered to help. They were band mates but Kurt was still getting used to the other man. They'd had a bit of bonding and he knew that Elliot wasn't trying to steal the band or anything like that now but they were not yet close. They were on their way to being friends - clearly, but Kurt hadn't realized they were already at that point. "I might need to get away from Rachel for a little while. Having classes will help but she's at NYADA too and I won't always be able to escape from her. These first few days especially she's going to be freaking out once she hears about it," Kurt explained.

"Well you already have my number. If you need time to collect yourself just message me. We can either meet up at the guitar shop or one of the multitude of coffee shops in the city. I'd offer to let you come over to my place but I don't know how you'd react to that. I'm up for whatever. I'd say we could meet here but if Rachel suspects that you're coming here she'll just follow you," Elliot offered.

Kurt had to chuckle at that. "My god you really do know us don't you? Thanks though. If I need some time away from the pint sized terror that Rachel Berry can be when she's up in arms about something, I'll let you know. It'll be nice to have somewhere else to be. I almost wish she really had moved out, at least then I could lock the door and keep her at bay."

Elliot joined him in the laughter. "Well I have gotten to watch you all interact and with the videos Rachel linked me to I got to see another view of the people involved. Watching people is kind of a thing I do and I like to think I've gotten pretty good at figuring things out - at least to an extent. It isn't like I can read minds or anything but right now I don't have to. You've been pretty open with me and I'm glad, I was hoping you were able to think of me as a friend by now," he said with a smile.

"I still can't believe she sent you all of those links. I was truly hoping to put high school behind me... sadly thanks to Jacob Ben Israel, some things will never go away," Kurt muttered though there was amusement in his tone. He was proud of most of the performances but all the same he was moving on to better things.

"I'm particularly fond of the four minutes routine," Elliot commented wondering how Kurt would react to that. It was one of the only links he'd been sent that actually featured Kurt. To see Kurt strut out there in that cheerleading uniform so full of confidence was certainly attention getting.

Kurt could not help the slight blush that came to his cheeks at those words. "Any particular reason?" he asked, attempting to cover the momentary discomfiture he was experiencing.

"It was you and Mercedes backed by dancers. You strutted out there like you owned the floor.. You had confidence and it actually allowed you to showcase some of your talents - what's not to like?" Elliot countered.

Kurt was flattered but he was a little uncomfortable with the direction this conversation is going so he decided to change the subject. "I do think you're right though... we have become friends. I hadn't even realized it. After the drama where I thought you were trying to take over the band, I think I was just a little blinkered," Kurt said honestly.

"I better understand where you were coming from on that now. With Blaine always eclipsing you and having had to compete with Rachel so often any other strong performer was going to make you feel insecure. You're used to losing those battles despite how skilled you are. But I'm not here to hog the spotlight, I'm just here to play music and that we're becoming friends out of this is just icing on the cake," Elliot said with a smile. 

They continued to talk a bit more and Elliot was pleased to see Kurt starting to come more and more out of the funk he'd been in. "Come on, let's go find a coffee shop that can be your eye in the Berry storm," Elliot offered as he got to his feet and extended his hand to help Kurt to his feet.

"Sounds like a plan... and... thanks for this Elliot - really," Kurt said as he took his band mate's hand and got to his feet.

Elliot grinned at Kurt. "Any time," he said as they made their way out of the rehearsal space.

**Author's Note:**

> The Song is I Like It by the band Lacuna Coil. I know that it is not what Kurt would normally listen to, but I felt that this song fit the mood of the piece. I really enjoy their work and while it isn't main stream enough to ever end up on Glee, that doesn't make it any less awesome in my opinion.
> 
> Please leave a contribution in the comments box :)


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